Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
