Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
