dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
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Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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