you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
