You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything about him screamed your future.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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