He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think a kid would responsible me up
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
