She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
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I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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