if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
