Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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