Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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