Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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