His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
