I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
