question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
