He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
