Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
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You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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