he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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