dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
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I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.