The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years