On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".