he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize