i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
