Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Ladies don't puke and tell
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
