"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
