I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
