i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
