put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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