I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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