while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
