I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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