I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
