my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
