I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
