The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
