Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
