omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
