I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
