Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
