So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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