I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
