Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
