If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
