Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
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you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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