Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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