I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
