i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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