Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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