I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
