I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
