She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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