i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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