i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
