Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
