my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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