no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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