Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
