Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
