were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
