If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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