he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
