My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This girl is more easily done than said...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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