Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
