Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The beer is more important than you right now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
