tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize