Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
